Streetwise (Part 1)

Berkeley High isn’t a jail (not officially, at least), but to be frank, it is a dangerous place. How dangerous depends on a number of factors, some of which you can control (your bearing, your behavior, the number of gold chains around your neck) and some that you can’t (your height, your weight, or your gender). There’s no real purpose in worrying about the things you can’t control, However, if you focus on the things you do have power over, you just might stay happy, healthy, and whole for your entire four-year sentence.

Walking the Walk

Consider this scenario: some chump is walking down a dark alley, unaware. He’s got headphones on, a cell phone is strapped to his hip, and when he got off the bus and put his ticket in his wallet, a wad of cash that would choke a rhinoceros flapped out. He walks looking at his shoes, hands in his pockets, and occasionally mutters something like, “I hope nobody jumps me and steals the millions of dollars worth of diamonds I have in my backpack.”

This kid doesn’t make it ten feet until he’s got human vultures all over him. Surprised? I hope not. He asked for it — and whether or not you think that’s fair, it’s life.

Walk tall, stride strong. Damn it, it’s your world; move like you’re the owner of everything you see. Chin up, eyes active and looking around. Scan your surroundings instead of the ground. If there are any potholes in the sidewalk, you’ll notice them in your peripheral vision. Trust me, nobody every tripped because he wasn’t staring at his feet.

Open up your body. This may sound counter-intuitive — open means vulnerable, right? — but it’s what you want. Pull your shoulders back, straighten your posture. You don’t need to have a ramrod-vertical spine, but you shouldn’t look like a tortoise. If you’re wearing a backpack, that’s okay; just do what you can. The more confident you look, the less appealing a target you are. The point of this isn’t so much to make your chiropractor happy, though he’ll tell you the same thing, but to make you look like you’re not trying to hide from the world.

Look at Me!

When you’re reading a book, where are your eyes? On the pages. When you’re driving a car, where are your eyes? On the road. When you’re going to the bathroom, where are your eyes? Ah . . . actually, don’t answer that . . . but the point is made. When you interact with people, look at them.

When you pass somebody on the street, make eye contact. You establish a connection and look like you have some clue about what’s going on. If you’re just gazing at the clouds or your fingernails, you could walk off a cliff without knowing it. This would be bad. Most importantly, looking at people puts up a flag of “Hey, I’m not completely off in my own world,” whereas if you’re staring at your socks, you might as well be.

Hands Up

Do you walk with your hands in your pockets? If not, you can skip this section . . . if so, pay attention.

When your hands are in your pockets, you not only look more defenseless, you are more defenseless. A man without arms is like a melon; you can basically beat the crap out of him without the slightest fear of retribution, for the simple fact that most people aren’t great at blocking baseball bats with their feet.

Have you ever seen a turtle lying on its back? If you don’t have hands, then that’s what you are; and if your hands aren’t instantly usable, then you might as well not have any.

Take the hands out. I don’t care if it’s cold, I don’t care if you’re bored, I don’t care how good your pants feel, take them out. If you absolutely must have something to do with your arms, try this: tuck one hand away and leave the other free. If you’re right-handed, then leave your right hand unencumbered. This allows you to be at least halfway capable, with your dominant hand ready to move immediately. If you’re carrying something, hold it in your left hand.

Walking with only one hand in your pocket will seem a bit weird at first, but you’ll get used to it.

Safety in Numbers

The old rule about traveling in herds applies very well to people. Walking in groups turns you from a lone straggler — the kind of thing that gets eaten by wolves — into a part of a large, powerful whole. Even if you’re a wimp in a group of wimps, you can be almost certain that hanging out with three or four buddies reduces your odds of getting in trouble by an easy 95%.

If you don’t have any friends, make friends. Or just follow people around, a few steps behind (not too close; nobody likes stalkers). This is better than nothing, but be warned that strangers might not give a shit about you, and it’s entirely possible that they’ll sail by oblivious while you fight to the death.

Wow, I’m Rich

Do you have lots of money? That’s great, congratulations — keep it to yourself. Half of the people around you don’t care, and the rest of them will want some. So when you buy lunch, avoid having to count through a dozen $20 bills to find the money you need; and unless you absolutely have to, keep your cash tucked away.

This applies to anything of value. CD player? Absolutely. Most people carry these around, so if you want to listen to music, you can probably get away with it, but it does increase your net worth, so stay alert. Graphing calculator? Hell, yes, those things can cost $100 or more. Jewelry? Don’t flaunt it, and if possible, don’t wear it at all.

What a Fascinating Cave, Why Don’t I Explore It?

There’s a nasty habit of neophytes to wander in places where they don’t belong.

Think about those words, “Don’t belong.” What does that mean? Hell, it’s a free world, right? Well, sure. So you’re free to take a walk at midnight in East Oakland . . . and the guy with the switchblade is just as free to “repossess” your wallet.

Be smart. Do not be stupid. If you can remember those two simple rules, you will be safe. Being smart means recognizing that you are not the Man of Steel, and that certain places are not the best to linger. Deciding which places is left to your own judgement, and indeed, it can vary from person to person. In general, though, you will find that some locations are simply not wise to hang around. Like the locker rooms. Or the alley behind the gym. Or remote corners of Shattuck. Or, indeed, anywhere that there isn’t a lot of people, especially if it’s secluded or has bloody skulls painted on the walls.

Remember the rule of safety in numbers here, as well. You can walk in some places with friends that you probably shouldn’t walk alone. Use your common sense. It’s surprisingly handy.

One final tip about being in poor locations: if you can’t avoid being there, and there are some unsavory characters around, walk through the door last. That is, don’t be the guy who walks into (or out of) the building with somebody else directly behind them, because that’s a wonderful to get hit in the back of the head with a 2-by-4. Exaggeration? Maybe. But if there’s any doubt about your surroundings, you should get in the habit of not letting people walk close behind you, and doorways are a good example of that.

Aware, Aware, Aware

In the end, most of the hints, tips, and guidelines I wrote above are matters of common sense. If you look for a common theme, though, you’ll notice that many of them boil down to one thing: awareness. If you can be aware of a threat, then you’ve done 75% of combating it. Being alert and aware of your surroundings, and always being able to react to them, are the single most important things you will ever learn — and if you combine them with not looking and acting like a target, then you’ll have a very good chance of avoiding trouble completely.

In Part 2 of this series, I’ll discuss some more technical tips — what to do when nothing else worked, and you’re in a fight.